Monday, December 10, 2007

Top 26 albums of 2007

Yeah, fuck you. I thought I had 25, which is already too fucking many, and then I realized I miscounted. I'll make sure I use an abacus for 2008. Here's the list, complete with audio links, which can be used to verify that, in fact, I probably have a bad list. Apologies to Panda Bear, LCD Soundsystem, and all other artists with amazing albums that I didn't fully digest because I was too busy trying to beat "The Lion King" on Sega Genesis [1].

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26. The Federation - It's Whateva




The Federation - "Bang Bang" (featuring a shitload of other people)

Between this and the new Turf Talk record, I really thought there was a chance people outside of California would figure out how dope Rick Rock is. I mean, the man produced no less than 25 absolute bangers this year, and yet, he's still stuck in the Hyphy ghetto. Now, granted, this album should've came out a year ago, and "I Wear My Stunna Glasses at Night" should've been the lead single. But, things happen, and regardless of what obstacles appear before them, the Federation continue to go harder before noon than most people do all day. A point was deducted for a Snoop Dogg cameo, but overall, still a hell of a way to spend an afternoon. Yadadamean??

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25. St. Vincent - Marry Me




St. Vincent - "Jesus Saves, I Spend"

For the first time since 1997, the best record by a female artist isn't affiliated with Destiny's Child. Bring the hate in '08 Beyonce!!

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24. Los Campesinos - Sticking Fingers Into Sockets




Los Campesinos! - "You! Me! Dancing!"

This year's biggest instance of me drinking Pitchfork hype Kool-Aid is my fondness for the debut EP from the Welsh collective endless Los Campesinos. If I were insecure, I'd say that it was dirty pool of them to cover one of the greatest Pavement songs ever, but as a dashing figure that cuts a confident stroke, I'll simply say that these six songs are fun to jump on the bed to.

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23. Gruff Rhys - Candylion




Gruff Rhys - "Candylion"

While I was really anticipating the latest Super Furry Animals album (which delivered the dopeness, as per usual), I didn't invest too much thought into the second solo project by frontman Gruff Rhys, largely because his debut disc was sung entirely in Welsh. Now, while I enjoy gibberish as much as the next guy, the surrealist lyrics are a huge part of the SFA draw. Furthermore, the lazy American in me can never keep their names straight, and I always fear that I'm going to end up with an album by the guy that makes non-time signatured laptop drum-and-bass. Luckily, one hungover Saturday morning in Milwaukee, I was smitten enough with the construction paper cover art that I uncovered the second greatest moment in children's music of 2007. Gruff, if only you would've put this out in a year where Yo Gabba Gabba didn't have that title locked up.

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22. Parts and Labor - Mapmaker




Parts & Labor - "Long Way Down"

The Jagjaguwar reign of terror continues. Unlike Bon Iver and Okkervil River, however, the Parts & Labor attack relies far more on delicately manipulated, treble-y distortion, and a pummeling arsenal of percussion. Fifteen year old Anthony would've fucking loved this record.

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21. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga




Spoon - "The Underdog"

In one of the nerdy music fantasies that I write in what may or may not be a Lisa Frank notebook, Britt Daniel tells me that the first song Spoon wrote for "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga" was "The Underdog", and it happened right after Boise State stuck it to the Big 12 on New Years Day. At no time does anyone bring up that by virtue of being from Austin, Texas, Spoon probably LIKES Big 12 football.

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20. M.I.A. - Kala





M.I.A. - "XR2"

Dear Fuckstick that ripped this album for me to download,

You somehow forgot to include "Paper Planes". I've had one less song than everyone else for six months. Due to the staggering amount of music I heard this year, I can't always remember what songs are named, and thus, never realized that I was missing track 11 (which, incidentally, is one of the best on the album). You really, really fucked up here. Like, I just found this out five minutes ago. Dick. I even hold you responsible for the absence of the July re-examination of the Clash catalog, which surely would've occurred after hearing the sample. You're a fucking jerk.

Love,
Stunt.

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19. Black Lips - Good Bad Not Evil




Black Lips - "Bad Kids"

There's about 500 reviews of this joint that inevitably draw a comparison to the Nuggets Box Set. God forbid the lazy sods actually suggest specifically checking out bands like The Sonics or the 13th Floor Elevators, or the Count Five. No, they'd rather make sweeping, obvious generalizations, and spend the time saved typing the phrase "Radiohead Pricing Model" a couple million more times. So, uh, check out the Sonics... or something.

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18. UGK - Underground Kingz




UGK - "Quit Hatin' the South" (w/ Willie D)

A fitting epitaph to a legendary musician. R.I.P. Pimp C.

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17. Holy Fuck - LP




Holy Fuck - "Milk Shake"

They have two drummers. Kick yourself in the nuts if you don't have this.

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16. White Williams - Smoke





White Williams - "Route To Palm"

Remember when MTV sounded like this?? I do. In spite of the hair cuts, new wave was pretty fucking awesome.

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15. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?





Of Montreal - "She's a Rejector"

Since I first heard "Blood on the Tracks", I think I've been unconsciously hoarding divorce albums so that way I've got a hefty pile for when my first wife leaves me. In the meantime, I can listen to the amazing keyboard layers on this one, and pretend it's optimistic. I suppose it's sonically logical that Outback Steakhouse and T-Mobile spun these into odes to consumerism. Well played, Madison Avenue. Well... Played...

*begins slow clap*

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14. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible





Arcade Fire - "Windowsill"

I downloaded this right after it came out, thought that a sequencing job with "Black Mirror" batting leadoff was downright retarded, and then filed it away. THEN I SAW THIS:



So, uh, yeah, I guess I was a little prematurely dismissive. I still stand by my problems with the tracklisting, but the last 60% of it is phenomenal, and you can't go wrong with a healthy Springsteen fetish.

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13. Dizzee Rascal - Maths + English





Dizzee Rascal - "Sirens"

How can this not be available in America??? This shit is grimy as fuck (no pun intended). The storytelling really leaps through the speakers, the production is devastating, and the ethnocentrist in me just likes to giggle when a guy this dangerous says "trousers".

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12. Dan Deacon - Spiderman of the Rings





Dan Deacon - "Wham City"

Song of the decade.

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11. Menomena - Friend Or Foe




Menomena - "Muscle 'n Flo"

If I told you about a band with a tricky-to-pronounce name, a penchant for adding trombone flourishes, and a loosely defined lineup where members trade instruments between songs, you would probably assume this band was really pretentious and terrible to listen to. In this case, you'd be wrong, but it's good that you have those instincts. I listen to a lot of weird fucking bullshit. One can't be too careful these days.

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10. Okkervil River - The Stage Names




Okkervil River - "Unless It's Kicks"

Will Sheff is probably the best lyricist in modern rock. Which makes it all the more embarrassing that I can't get over how much I love the tambourine. Furthermore, these guys could teach Arcade Fire a thing or two about how to sequence an album. Every song is great except for one, and even that lands in the perfect place to put the dud. Another one of Jagjaguwar's flagship artists to release something staggering in 2007. Look for Bon Iver to keep the streak alive in February.

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9. Justice - †




Justice - "DVNO"

Listen up Frenchy, I'm already a shitty enough driver as it is. Please refrain from making shit like this, compelling me to play drums on the wheel, pump the gas pedal along with the bass parts, and falsetto sing at the top of my lungs like an Ian Van Dahl collaborator.

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8. Lil Wayne - The Drought 3




Lil Wayne - "Ride 4 My Niggas"

James Brown 2k7. Weezy F. Baby is the hardest working man in show business, and if he wants to spend his leisure time sippin' syrup, then I think it's his prerogative. As long as he keeps beasting over the best production bad rappers can buy, I don't care if Birdman uses his tongue as a bidet. And for the record, when I was five, my favorite movie was the Gremlins as well.

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7. Radiohead - In Rainbows




Radiohead - "Reckoner"

This could've sounded like Foghat, and it still would've been revolutionary, for unifying the best five ideas about digital music commerce, and presenting them to the unwashed masses. Lucky for us, they put as much work into the music as they did into the packaging (or lack thereof). Plus, that 45 second wait before the guitar kicks in on track one proves that underneath all the misanthropy and isolation, they've still got a sense of humor.

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6. The National - Boxer




The National - "Fake Empire"

Between this and Tay Zonday, baritone vocals were back in a big way in 2007. Also, probably the best drum sound I've heard on an album in five years. Did they rent the castle "When the Levee Breaks" was recording in or something??

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5. Battles - Mirrored




Battles - "Tonto"

The exception that proves the rule. Four virtuosos beating the piss out of their instruments, and the result is something amazing. These guys get gold stars for making a dense, challenging tapestry, when lesser folks would've ended up sounding like Emerson, Lake, and Palmer (Yuck!).

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4. Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam




Animal Collective - "Unsolved Mysteries"

For a nice change of pace, the Collective decided to actually record a whole album of songs, instead of one or two surrounded by a bunch of off-key experimentation. It paid off, and made me contemplate buying stock in the Salvia industry. Viva la psychedelics!!

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3. El-P - I'll Sleep When You're Dead





El-P - "The Overly Dramatic Truth"

El Producto does it again. Dude really lets his Phillip K. Dick flag fly on this shit. Also notable for a Trent Reznor appearance that doesn't suck. Shame he needed somebody else to drag it out of him, but it was comforting all the same.

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2. Jens Lekman Night Falls Over Kortadela





Jens Lekman - "A Postcard to Nina"

I spent the better part of three months trying to figure out whether I liked this damn thing or not. It's like a Burt Bacharach album, but the narratives are all cracked in this really surreal, awkwardly honest manner. The production is unbelievably warm considering the digital nature of it's construction. It definitely grows on you, even if wins the Morrissey, "I Roll my Car Windows Up when I'm Listening to this in Dense Traffic" award.

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1. Caribou - Andorra




Caribou - "Sandy"

In a year where the beating hearts behind electronic records experienced a staggeringly increased profile, it seems fitting that the album of the year would be made by an IDM veteran getting his Hawkwind on. Deftly merging the strengths of Boards of Canada and the Soft Boys, "Andorra" is a singular achievement that reaches beyond the limitations of either aspect of it's source material. Flawless.

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[1] EDIT- 2:41 PM, December 18th, 2007

I would just like the record to reflect that this post (footnote excluded) was worked on over the course of the week, and finalized 10:30ish on the 17th of December. Had I known that Pitchfork was going to name those two albums as their top two of the year, I would've chosen others for my snarky excuse to pound Sega Genesis into the conversation. The last thing I would ever do, as a self-respecting egomaniac, would be draw attention to another list, and use a cavalier comment to suggest that THEY, in fact, have a better list than me. That, like, breaks all the hipster rules, and stuff.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Kindred Spirits














According to a handful of online shallow media outlets, no-talent junkie Scott Weiland got another DUI. While I normally wouldn't give a shit about him one way or the other, largely since both his new and old bands suck, I was pleasantly surprised to see that he actually has a pretty sleazy beard.




Tallying this alongside Michael Jackson's (post-kiddie diddling) foray into bearded bliss, this officially makes two famous musicians that I run train on in the face carpet department.



























Eric Cartman, you are officially in my sights. Consider yourself warned.

















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In other news, this song rules, but I probably wasn't going to get around to writing about it. Thus, it makes a perfect addition to this "not really a blog entry" blog entry. It's good enough that you will totally[1] end up praying for another celebrity venture into bad bearding[2], simply to incite me into writing again.






Richard and Linda Thompson - "I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight"




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[1] Or is it totes? Are blogs supposed to say totes exclusively now?? Nobody tells me anything
[2] I feel like there's an episode of "Sliders" where an 8-bit video game called "Bad Beardin'" sweeps the nation. Acclaim is probably involved.