Motherfucker couldn't be Muslim...

...because the wife makes him eat pork

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Since popular music's success rate typically sits beneath even Eli Manning's completion percentage, I've spent the better part of my life scouring ultra-nerdy periodicals in search of the next great musical plateau. 14 year old Anthony broke the seal discovering Pavement via a Rolling Stone record guide , but there's been hundreds of musically promiscuous endeavors since that have hinged on poring over the hyperbolic musings of some other nerd on the other end of the world. A particularly strong phase was my Freshman year of college, when my homepage was the NME. In hindsight, 2001 (especially to those Limey fucks) will always be thought of as the year of the "The" bands. The Strokes, The Hives, The White Stripes, and a myriad of also-rans[1] that decided rock music should be frozen in an era where you could trace the veins on your cock through your leather pants. At the time, though, their coverage was equally devoted to another obsession: UK Garage.

After innumerable evenings spent waging war with my cruel mistress Icehouse, I'd fire up Audiogalaxy[2] and gorge my hard drive with every skittishly-drum programmed ode to gun violence I could get my hand on. Dizzee Rascal and Ms. Dynamite were in constant rotation (fuck it, I'll link a second single to that Ms. Dynamite album. She had tracks for days), and I'm pretty confident that I could name at least five members of So Solid Crew. Then, inevitably, came "The Elvis Moment": Original Pirate Material. Mike Skinner, under the guise of "The Streets", released one of the best albums of 2002, a concept album about being young and intoxicated in Britain. It had the signature slang and rhythms of Garage, but there was an element of the class consciousness and humor prevalent in prior waves of British Youth music (The Specials, The Kinks, Blur). Needless to say, it blew the fuck up there, and sold enough records here to be namedropped by pretentious quasi-intellectuals that obsessively follow that sort of thing.

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Six years later, and Garage is more or less a historical footnote. So Solid Crew disintegrated, the second Ms. Dynamite album blew, and with the exception of Dizzee Rascal and Wiley, most of the core artists fizzled out (the last Kano record was fucking abysmal). Skinner, however, transcended the genre, dropping two more stellar records, and fleshing out his sound beyond the scene that birthed him. Thus, when news leaked of a new Streets single in advance of album four, my curiosity was piqued. Since post-production and mastering was slated to take the project up until early '08, it made sense for the man to keep product in the pipeline by putting out a one-off single. What didn't make sense was making that single a cover of "Your Song", by Elton John.



The Streets - "Your Song"


Part of the pretty disasterous Radio One Covers record (Klaxons covering "No Diggity", anyone???), I'd really like to dismiss this, particularly since Elton John sort of blows. However, I find myself strangely compelled to it. There's definitely a melodramatic element to it that a moody fuck like me would be drawn to, but that seemed too basic to be the draw. And while the ballads he had written in the past also tended to linger in one's head ("Dry Your Eyes" and "Never Went to Church" come to mind), those focused more on the poetic and narrative elements than his wavering, trebly voice. Then it fucking hit me.



THE SHIT SOUNDS LIKE "RAINBOW CONNECTION"!!!!!!!

I played the fuck out of the Muppet Movie when I was a kid. The whole "I sing not because I'm skilled at it, but because my soul demands it of me" shit that Kermit has done for the better part of 40 years. Fozzie Bear, ever the sad clown. And Statler and Waldorf clearly bear some sort of profound emotional damage. Those Muppets are profound, complicated souls and I identify with this. Man, I goddamn love the fucking Muppets. A fuckload of classic Muppetry after the jump.

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Bonus Beats



Johnny Cash and Miss Piggy - "Jackson"



Kermit the Frog - "Once in a Lifetime" (Talking Heads cover)



The Muppets - "Why Can't We Be Friends" (War cover/TRIBUTE TO THE FRENCH REVOLUTION!!)



Johnny Cash (featuring the Muppets) - "Ghostriders in the Sky"



The Muppets - "In the Navy" (Village People cover)



Floyd (from Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem) - "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" (Beatles cover)



Gonzo - "Act Naturally" (Beatles cover/Buck Owens cover)



Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem - "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" (Paul Simon cover)



R.E.M. (featuring the Muppets) - "Furry Happy Monsters"



Animal and Buddy Rich having a Drum Competition



Gonzo (featuring the Chickens)- "Workin at the Car Wash Blues" (Jim Croce cover)



Dizzy Gillespie and the Muppets - St. Louis Blues

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[1]The Datsuns anyone?
[2]Audiogalaxy went hard as fuck. Using Limewire was like wearing a tech vest to a house party. Why don't you just carve the word "toolbox" into your forehead.